I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I look better un-naked...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
