its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
