I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
