it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
you never un-have a 4some
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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