He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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