my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
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i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
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I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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