i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize