Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
