I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
