Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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