Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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