we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Randomize
