well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
