You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
