You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
