then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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