Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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