THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
The struggles of a small town man whore
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
