I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
