question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
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they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
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You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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