The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize