dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
