so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
