he thought i was a dude.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
