Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
