Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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