are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
