you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
