you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I see more hoeing in ur future
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