My entire life is one complicated drinking game
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize