Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
