Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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