woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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