i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
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Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
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Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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