Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
