Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
