NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
