Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
