John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
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You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
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Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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