i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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