where am i from again
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
