If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Randomize
