Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
