I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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