yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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