i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
birth control should be required to get into college
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
