Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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