You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
