I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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