I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Randomize
