i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
