New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize