Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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