I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
