whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
