If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
