If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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