YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
