Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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