He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
