I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
