Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
