How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
