i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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