If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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