question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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