I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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