Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Please, let me fuck your mom
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
