I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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