it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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