I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
