so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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