we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
