I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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