We won't sleep together?
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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