u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
