you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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