I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
