I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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