So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
