he wants to bone in the snuggie
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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